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The Beautiful Mess of Motherhood

Last night I sat down to watch a movie I had DVR’d called Mom’s Night Out (2014). Honestly, I only recorded it because I knew that Sean Astin, who happens to be in our next audio drama, With Lee In Virginia, had a starring role. I didn’t know anything about the story and hadn’t heard any reviews on it. But, I finally had some peace and quiet from my own kids, so I sat down with a stack of work and turned it on.

momsnightoutThe movie is about a stay-at-home mom of three young children, Allyson (Sarah Drew), and her often traveling husband, Sean (Sean Astin). It begins on Mother’s Day and instead of sleeping in and enjoying her special day, Allyson is freaking out about the mess all over the house, and her inadequacies as a mother. As an aspiring “mommy blogger” Allyson tries to document her quirks on her blog by saying, “I can actually feel the house getting dirty.”

The day is a disaster and by the time her husband makes it home, he finds her huddled in their bedroom closet, eating chocolate and watching an online eagle’s nest webcam. She finally admits she’s hiding … from the house … because it’s awful. And seriously, who hasn’t been there? Who hasn’t done that, or at least wanted to? I know I have. There are days when you just can’t take anymore and if one more person screams “Mom!”…you’re going to cry.

Allyson decides to plan a much-needed night out with her best friend, Izzy (Andrea Logan White) and the pastor’s wife, Sondra (Patricia Heaton). The only catch is that the men have to take care of the kids. Sean invites his long-time, video game playing, children hating friend over to “help.” Izzy’s husband and their twins also come over because Izzy’s husband is quite possibly more neurotic than Allyson and is terrified to take care of the kids alone.

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After many twists, turns, and crazy events, Allyson finds herself sitting in the waiting room of the police station with Bones (Trace Adkins) – a motorcycle riding, leather wearing, owner of a tattoo parlor. She dejectedly tells him about her problems and that she just can’t get a handle on things and be the kind of wife and mother she’s supposed to be.

Bones tells her:

bones[quote_box name=””]“It’s beautiful to watch one of God’s creations just doing what it was made to do. Just being an eagle. And that’s enough. Ya’ll spend so much time beating yourselves up. Must be exhausting. I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mama he did. So you just be you. He’ll take care of the rest.”[/quote_box]

It truly hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not a stay-at-home mom (though I was for a time), but I’ve certainly had my fair share of struggles with my kids and being happy with where my life has lead me. With a daughter in high school and an elementary age son, they are doing everything in their power to give me a full head of grey hair before I ever hit 40.

I’ve doubted myself as a mother, a wife, and sometimes just as a person, because I don’t know how to get it all done every day. There are days when my house is a wreck, my kids hate me, and the only thing I have energy to do is call the pizza place for delivery. I question God about what I’m doing wrong or what I’ve done that He’s now punishing me for. I question if I’m really able to be a good mother at all.

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I cried when I heard Bones say it in the movie and I’m crying again just thinking about it. God doesn’t make mistakes. He is perfect. He knows everything and gave me these children for a reason. I don’t know why I have rough days, but He does. And He knows that, whether I think I can or not, I can handle everything that’s thrown at me. And I get stronger with every battle I have to fight.

Allyson came to realize, and I did as well, that we don’t have to be perfect – at least not the image of perfect we always hold ourselves to. We don’t have to have the spotless house. We don’t have to have the smartest, best-behaved kids. All we have to do is what we’re able to do, and let ourselves off the hook. We only make ourselves crazy by holding ourselves to a standard that most people could never meet.

When we relax and give ourselves some credit, give ourselves a break, and know that God has made things the way they are supposed to be, the days won’t seem so hard. They won’t seem insurmountable. Allyson sums it up best by saying, “I’m a mess. But I’m a beautiful mess. I’m His masterpiece and that’s enough.”

About Hannah Van Hyfte

Hannah Van Hyfte is Senior Executive Assistant and Advertising Analyst at Heirloom Audio. She is married with two beautiful children, ages 15 and 7. When she’s not busy keeping the Heirloom Audio team on track, Hannah enjoys reading, cross-stitching, taking walks with her family, and tinkering on her computer.

6 comments

  1. Beautiful! I cried too when I saw that scene, and truly appreciate the reminder. I think most of us are too hard on ourselves. Thank you!

  2. Great article! It came at the exact moment I needed to read it…during a really hard day that’s overflowing with stress. I really needed the reminder that I’m right where I need to be, flaws and all. Thanks for the encouragement!

  3. I loved this movie. Saw it when it was in the
    theater.
    One thing I want to comment on is about God not giving us more than we can handle. That is only partially right. If we could handle
    everything on our own we wouldn’t need God in our lives. God doesn’t give us any more
    than we can handle with His help. As moms, as people, we need to be in regular prayer
    laying our needs, struggles, worries, self-
    doubts, fears, frustrations…at His feet,
    seeking His wisdom, grace, provision,
    healing…and sitting quietly in His presence
    for His still small voice to speak to us with
    words of encouragement and wisdom. We
    also need to listen to Him speak in the Word and in godly friends who God often uses to
    confirm what He has already spoken to us.
    I guess one more thing. God does create
    each of us with a unique set of talents and
    personality traits that help to prepare us for our unique role in this world. Also, as we
    receive Jesus as our Savior and Lord and
    seek Him in our daily lives He gives us the spiritual gifts we need to compliment what He created in us to work along with them and
    the life experiences we have along the way
    to make us to be all He created us to be. He never expects or wants us to do this life in
    our own power only equipped with what
    we’re born with.
    No we should not beat ourselves up over
    failures and weaknesses, but we can face
    them and overcome them and seek the
    forgiveness of God, husband, and child when we mess up and allow God to make us wiser and stronger for it and turn our mess into a message of hope to others.

  4. My conscious before God is pricked. After reading your review, I cannot be silent. I do not agree with your recommendation of the movie “Mom’s Night Out”. I watched it with one of my daughters, who is 16 yrs old. We were both very disappointed. We watched it because we knew there were a couple men from Sherwood Baptist Church acting in it and have been encouraged by their movies (i.e. Courageous, Fireproof) However, we came to the conclusion that M.N.O.s main objective was not to glorify Christ since it portrayed Christian families dealing with conflict much like the world does: not carefully applying biblical principles and precepts found in the Bible. “They didn’t use any Scripture,” my daughter observed at the end of our viewing, “It (the movie) promoted leaning on our own understanding which is the very thing we are commanded NOT to do by God!” I agreed with her assessment, and confessed that it was hard for me sit through the entire movie because it lacked real hope and real answers. It did not encourage either of us. Rather we were grieved. We could not laugh at the sin. Please believe me, dear one, my intention is not to offend you but rather entreat you to prayerfully consider another perspective. I do hope you understand. In my opinion, M.N.O. offered a stereotypical “stupidity” attributed to Christians which I remembered from my childhood and had seen in past movies of old. It came across as yet another worldy comedy, poking fun at Christ’s people, who bear His precious name. It seems to me that reverence for His name continues to be sacrificed on the alter of entertainment..and for what purpose? To what end? We, even Christians, can so easily fall into the mire of “entertaining ourselves to death” instead of going to the fount of the Living Water for refreshment and joy that can only be found in the Lord and in His goodness and His mercy. I pray that this may be a challenge to all of us who claim to be followers of Jesus– to be on guard. “…Awake, sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. so then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is…but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord: always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” Ephesians 5:14-21
    Sincerely, in His blood, Mrs. H

  5. Oh my. I love you and am blessed to call you my friend♡

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