How To: Raising Compassionate Kids

When it comes to teaching love and kindness, you are your child’s primary teacher. Children learn compassion over time and through much practice and opportunity. With so much turmoil and hatred in the world today, it seems more important than ever to teach our children to be kind, loving, and compassionate people. Thankfully, these lessons can be taught each day as we go about living our lives at home and in our communities.

Day-to-Day Opportunities for Compassion Training

Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Young Children

1. Teach your children to handle their toys and possessions with care, and to treat other people’s things gently.

2. Speak softly and sweetly to your child whenever possible. The tone of your voice matters. A firm voice can still be a compassionate one.

3. Redirect rude behaviors. Toddlers and small children will slap, pull hair, spit, and call others names. It just happens… The key is redirecting this behavior immediately when you see it and offering a more kind and compassionate solution.

4. Provide structure and firm limits. Small children need to understand actions have consequences, and that those consequences are consistent.

5. Serve others. Even the smallest children can perform simple chores around the home. By cleaning up their toys, helping feed pets, and doing small tasks they will learn kindness through service.
6. Use good manners and encourage them in even your littlest children. Say please and thank you. Wait your turn. No throwing food at the dinner table, and so on. Little things make big strides towards kindness and compassion in the long run.

Older Children, Tweens, and Teens

1. Encourage friendship building. Give your children opportunities to make friends and nurture their friendships. Be there to lend advice when they ask.

2. Affirm their good choices. When you see your child doing something kind, compassionate, or unexpected, praise them for it. Let them know you appreciate their good choices. A little praise goes a very long way with older kids.

3. Model for them. Let your older children see you go the extra mile for compassion, such as writing thank you notes, calling a friend when they are sick, serving in the church, and so on. They need to see you being compassionate too!

4. No trash talking allowed. Kids (especially tweens and teens) are always listening to what we say, even if they don’t appear to be. They notice how we talk to our family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Let your speech be kind and thoughtful. When your child’s speech is not kind, point it out and offer counsel.

5. Be honest. Older children and teens can spot a fake a mile away. Dishonesty can chip away very quickly at your compassion efforts.

6. Provide opportunities to serve in the community. Older children can help with various service projects at church and around town. Sign up and get your kids out there, with parental supervision as needed. It can be as simple as picking up trash in the neighborhood or more elaborate like volunteering at a food bank.

7. Monitor media consumption. Our kids absorb much of what they see on TV and online. Keep an eye on what they are viewing and reading. Encourage good media choices as much as possible. Provide them with good books about heroes and compassionate people. Incorporate these stories into your devotional time as a family.

Last but not least, practice the Golden Rule in your home… treat others the way you want to be treated. Remind your children (and yourself) to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” -Mark 12:30-31